In a previous post, I took a trip down memory lane and relived moments that made my childhood great. One of my favorite memories was the 90s television show Family Matters. And before I delve into the topic at hand, take a look at the following clip for me.
One of the focal storylines, if not the main storyline of the show, was Steve Urkel’s infatuation for his next-door neighbor, Laura Winslow. He pursued her for 9 seasons; he treated her with respect, bought her gifts, and was always there when she needed help. Laura, however, found him annoying, constantly dismissed him, and even convinced him to change himself into his alter ego (Stefan Urquelle) in order to be with her. Although Steve did have a beautiful girlfriend, Myra Monkhouse, who loved and appreciated him just the way that he was, his nose stayed wide open for Laura and he finally won her affection at the end of the series. Steve Urkel, ladies & gentleman, is what many would classify as a SIMP.
What is a SIMP?
- A man that puts himself in a subservient/submissive position under a woman in hopes of winning her over, without the woman bringing anything to the table.
- A man who puts a woman on a pedestal when she doesn’t deserve it.
- Someone Idolizing Mediocre P***y (chauvinistic, I know; but we’re adults, so stay with me)
I was having a conversation with one of my boys about a previous “situationship” that I was involved in, discussing things that I did to show my interest when he labeled me a SIMP as well. Out of confusion, I didn’t know how to respond because the things that I did were things that I was trained to do by my father—open the door, allow her to go first, carry her bags, pay for her meals, walk on the outside of the sidewalk so that she isn’t hit with water by moving vehicles. That’s just called being a gentleman. However, with the social climate here in the west, particularly the advent of feminism and fake political correctness, I can undoubtedly say that my friend was right. I was being a SIMP. Because my experiences with modern-day women via professionally, socially, or romantically, have always included pushback to the gentleman/simp-like qualities that have been ingrained in me since youth.
Ladies, I can already hear your rebuttal: Are you saying that women don’t deserve to be treated with respect and that you’re going to stop being polite?
Absolutely not. But I am going to say that this war against the social constructions between men and women is beyond exhausting and somewhat elementary, especially when men still innately want to pursue women but are challenged for being too traditional. I have always agreed wholeheartedly that women should have the same equal rights as men, but we’re still different and we add unique elements to our union that should be celebrated and not shamed. And the fact that there is now a negative connotation behind a man being a gentleman (i.e. SIMP) is something that more women need to pay attention to. Why? Because you’re giving men more validation that there is no incentive in being a man.
There’s a misconception that a man’s manhood is measured by a harem of submissive women who stroke our ego and tell us how much of a God we are in business, the bedroom, and everyday life. That’s false; some guys may get off on that, but most of us don’t. Our manhood, in relations to women, is measured by how much we protect and provide for our lady. And when you openly tell us that you don’t need us to do that because you can protect and provide for yourself, as well as do everything that a man can do and even better, what’s the point of us even being that “knight in shining armor” that used to be popular? What’s the point of us aspiring to be family men if you tell us that you only need our seed to make your baby that you can take care of by yourself? This strong, independent woman trope isn’t as desirable as many of you have come to believe. And it seems like the good guy/gentleman/SIMP is no longer finishing last, he’s not even wanted in the race.
I’m just saying.
Until Next Time…
(n.d.). Retrieved May 9, 2017, from http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=simp