Black Love: Symbolism or Reality?

Greetings Everyone,

Before I share my thoughts, I want to give you all this disclaimer. I’m a Black man; 28 years old, single, with a weakness for Black women. I’m sharing with you all my perspective on what I see regarding black relationships in media and in real life. So, this will not be a playbook because I don’t have the answers…just a lot of questions.

Does Black Love still exist?

I’ve been asking myself this question for a while now and I’m starting to believe—especially in my generation—that it’s just a symbol and not reality. I’ve seen these symbols throughout my childhood and as an adult; Dwayne & Whitley, Martin & Gina, Cliff & Claire, Jay & Bey, Will & Jada, Barack & Michelle, Mom & Dad. As euphoric as these symbols are, I’m having a hard time believing that they are obtainable for myself and for a lot of my peers. Which is strange because I see these symbols all of the time on social media (#RelationshipGoals). But in reality, the respect that a lot of Black men and Black women genuinely have for each other is almost non-existent, which discredits the fantasy that is Black Love. I mean, one minute we’re calling each other “Kings and Queens” online, but then the next minute we’re calling each other “B*tches and Ain’t-Sh*t Niggas” in person. Contradiction.

I know that some of you already disagree with me and I’m glad because I need someone to educate me on why I’m questioning something that I’ve seen all of my life growing up. My parents will have been married 32 years come June 2, 2016, and they were together 9 years prior to their marriage, which equals 41 years as a couple. So I know that this symbol was the reality for a certain generation at a certain time. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve continuously seen and experienced the antithesis of what this symbol is, which has left me with a lot of doubts and a lot of questions.

In regards to media, I don’t see Black Love throughout the entertainment spectrum. I see dysfunction. The majority of the popular Reality TV shows include divorced housewives and deadbeat dads. The television sitcoms showcase interracial relationships or homosexual ones. And as for the film industry, well, Beyond The Lights was the last mainstream romance that I can think of which starred a Black man and a Black woman (correct me in the comments below if you can think of another, maybe two). I see more images on-screen with Black men and Black women in competition with each other to win the title as the dominant gender in a “situationship,” rather than seeing them together happily enjoying each other’s affection.

Comedian Steve Harvey has been one of the many catalysts behind this tug of war with his book and film Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man; which I don’t agree with for a number of reasons.

  1. Since when did Steve Harvey get the qualifications to give out relationship advice? That’s just like Donald Trump teaching an African American Studies course; a clusterf*ck of confusion.
  2. This idea that men and women, in general, are supposed to think alike and play games with each other for the sake of protecting/stroking their own ego isn’t going to build a healthy relationship, it’s just going to add more layers of distrust between them; which is the last message that Black men and Black women need to hear right now because we have enough damage due to rap lyrics, respectability debates, and overall media propaganda.

As for my pursuit to “Happily Ever After” with a Black woman, not so successful. And they’re not doing anything that a lot of other women my age aren’t doing, it’s just that the traditional love story trope that I’m looking for isn’t as popular anymore as it once was; boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. Sorry, Mom and Dad, a lot of women my age aren’t asking for that. Here’s what I’m hearing:

Fellas, what Rihanna and what many women are saying in relations to this video is that we are expendable. That’s right, gone are the days that women need to be subtle about what they want and need, when they want and need it, and by who they want and need it from. She’s not looking for Prince Charming to come whisper sweet nothings after a stressful day, she wants her prince (for the moment) to bring her vitamin D and that’s it. Cuddle afterwards? Bruh, no; go in there and wash, don’t make a mess, put the toilet seat back down, and lock her door on your way out.

Ladies, am I wrong? Please correct if I am.

Actress Meagan Good and her husband, Devon Franklin, have been very vocal regarding sexual prowess and the responsibility behind intimacy with their new book The Wait. She mentioned in a radio interview with Sway In The Morning, that women are just as guilty when it comes to being the culprit of sexuality and advising that a lot of women can operate, to some degree, the same way that a man can. She also said, “just because you have the ability to move a certain way does not mean that it benefits you, and if anything, I would say that it hurts you a lot more than you could really realize right now.” Which I agree with, because sexual responsibility is needed in order to find love. If women are just as comfortable doing the same thing that a lot of men do, then it’s going to be hard for me, as a man, to take the courtship seriously because I’ll know that only one need and want is being sought after.

The idea and image of Black Love is beautiful beyond belief. But the pursuit, in this day in age, at times, feels like a waste of time. However, I can’t bring myself to give up on it because it’s an aspect that I know will complete me as a Black man. That unconditional love that the old folks would talk about, that Lauryn Hill would sing about, and that I see between my parents is what I want and need. I don’t have the energy or the patience to pursue the Black Love symbol for the sake of Internet sensationalism. I want that genuine respect, need, passion, and care that is Black Love. Maybe it does still exist. Maybe it’s hidden. I don’t know, I don’t have all of the answers…just a lot of questions.

Until Next Time…


14 Comments Add yours

  1. Kristopher says:

    truth is told!!!! i am a single male but of the latter generation. I too have seen the decline of ‘what love is’ what it means for a man to court a woman, and the roles, MARS and VENUS play. Over the years, the woman’s movement of the 60’s and 70’s have transformed into, not equality but into domination. I too looked at a ‘Different World’ as the hopes and dreams of aspiring black young people, and now I see nothing but shame. The media has twisted and destroyed the relationship and turned it into a MMA match, and we are the undercards. This topic is way too long for me to preach on here tonight, but black love is DEAD, its now just for convenience sake that people get together, rare is the true romance and love nowadays, I have been around long enough to say that and on attempts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Black love is dead? Man, that’s a tough statement. I still have hope because a lot of black people still crave it; however, our actions nowadays say otherwise. That’s my issue. The lack of respect and trust between men and women in the black community is what I’m still trying to understand.


  2. Gin says:

    I believe black love is real and still relevant. I don’t believe that we should look for it in the media because that crap is all about breaking down black ppl. Speaking as a black woman, there is a war against us so yeah we’re tougher now and it takes some time before you see the softer side. I’m just saying…the shit is hard but it shouldn’t be given up on.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well said, Gin. I’m not going to give up on it because I’m still in need of it. I just want to see more authentic images of “us” as individuals and as a unit, that’s probably why we’re having such a hard time respecting one another; media propaganda.


  3. anaelrich says:

    Ahw, don’t give up. I’m sure she’s out there somewhere…:-)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, I’m sure she is. I just question it sometimes.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Synithia W says:

    I can’t say it’s dead, but I’m also one of the people in a happy, healthy relationship and we surround ourselves with other happily married people. To make a relationship work you have to surround yourself with like minded people. Same if you’re single, pursuing a goal, whatever. I get that’s easier said than done. Still, I do believe black love is still out there and attainable.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well said, Mrs. Williams. Your books are the inspiration that makes this symbol a reality.


  5. Nomolanga Achieng says:

    Wow this story really touched me. I feel the exact same way, and the exact same struggle from a female perspective. I won’t give up on Black love, but boy, it’s not easy to pursue or create for our generation (I’m 27).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad that you understand and I hope you find that happiness that a lot of us are searching for.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I agree with you and I speak about this in my blog all the time. However I believe Black love still exists, but instead of looking towards the media that try’s to portray a negative image of black people we should use the same tactic to promote black love…even if you think it don’t exist, post images, videos and discuss black love on sites such as these and hopefully the mindset of people will change. I find that African men and women still display black love, because they are surrounded by it. Like the person said above, surround yourself with what you want to achieve. Nice topic 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well said. It’s so easy to get sucked into the propaganda machine; we see it everyday. I’ve started pulling away from certain media outlets and started surrounding myself with genuine truth. Black love does exists, it’s just not popular.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Looks like this is a hot topic! I like the part about the old couple at the end

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That was a great post. I think BM and BW are secretly still craving Black Love, regardless of all the ego boasting we do; we still crave each other.

      Liked by 1 person

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